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Her Mechanical Heart by *orphicfiddler:iconorphicfiddler:



Her Mechanical Heart

The noise churned from the subterranean depths—a low, agonized groan as of dying machinery. Something like a grind of melancholy gears, steel bones on wearied bellows: a clockwork heart attack.

The Woman rose.

She was old in the way of damask curtains, the color bleached and powdery, with the strength of wilting threads. Her face was an oak tree, gnarled to antiquity, crevassed beyond repair; her eyes were convex slate; her mouth, the slim aperture to an abyss. She was living dust.

Slowly, with bent back, the Woman hobbled across the room, her toes crackling like the last remnants of popcorn over a wintry fire. She limped through the basement door, down the darkened steps. She thought nothing, and made no sound.

There was void.

And beyond lay the furnace, a glowing ember in the non-light, bound by palls of detritus and the corpses of spiders. It was from this ironclad mass that the pitiful noise emanated, though growing fainter with each step that she took.

She paused, passive.

Creakingly, the Woman extended her fingers to feel about amongst the rods and wires and esoteric bits of scrap casking the metallic beast. There was no purpose in her movements, no hope that they should succeed in eliminating the noise, merely the blind gropings of a pale animal; a pig rooting for truffles in a wood without.

Then she stopped.

And withdrew her hand, clutching something small and red and slowly pulsing. The barest hint of confusion knotted her brow, only to be effaced by senility. The Woman accepted it as she accepted time and space and the clanking world about her—as she would soon accept her own death.

The two-chambered little box continued to throb, though now quite irregularly, and softer than the patter of rain on fresh-tilled soil. And the ember-glow of the furnace began to retreat in upon itself, little impish coils lapping at the innards of a vast metallic carcass.

So it was that the last Woman watched the industrial pulse of the world beat out, while all about her the gears of the Earth ground to a shuddering halt, for she had long since forgotten what she was the Keeper of. But it did not matter. Nothing mattered.

For there was nothing left to matter, and no one to care. There was only a scrap of dying tin in a crinkled palm.
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Submitted: May 18
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Comments: 50
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Author's Comments

“She is my wife. Her mechanical heart
constantly serving 'til death do us part.”
~Oh, Industry~


Inspired primarily by this month's Scenario prompt for :iconsimplyprose: ("A woman finds something in her basement..."), as well as the sci-fi binge I seem to be on lately.

Devious Comments

love 3 3 joy 0 0 wow 2 2 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

=DarcKnyt:iconDarcKnyt: May 18, 2008, 7:03:30 PM
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Unbelievable work! Astounding, wonderful! BRAVO, author! Bravo!

--
God bless,
JDT :batman:
=tedzerds21:icontedzerds21: May 18, 2008, 7:08:18 PM Mood: Love
Wow that is some tremendous writing, your descriptions are original and imaginaitve! Especially that of the old woman - just amazing.
~NightVagabond:iconNightVagabond: May 18, 2008, 7:47:03 PM
Amazing, I love the vivid imagery. I swore I heard her creak :D

Awww...I always thought humanity would go out with a bang, not with dying embers.

--
The lion within, I roar
I stretch my bow, let arrow soar,
to protect your love.
*kitit21:iconkitit21: May 19, 2008, 12:36:37 AM
A truly magnificent piece of writing that I have the urge to hang on my wall and say "Hey look! I kinda know that person and LOOK HOW GOOD SHE WRITES!"
:blush:
But thats just my opinion. I do love your writings. And you are so very good with your descriptions.
The imagery accumulated throughout it till it was exploding with powerful kick butt meaning. ^-^

--
Procrastination Makes Perfect
Story of my life
~IrrevocableFate:iconIrrevocableFate: May 19, 2008, 5:34:11 AM
Magnificent imagery, your description really put me in the oil coated basment. Everything about this screams the mechanical world and I love it. You picked the perfect place for "industry" to be in: the dark, grungy basment of a withered lady who is indifferent to the death of it.

Now, I don't mean to be too nitpicky but you started five sentences with "and". I think the last two paragraphs don't need it; I believe it will read so much nicer without the "and"'s. Still, I absolutely love this it's just wonderful.

--
Hello world! I love you.
*lelioimmortalIS:iconlelioimmortalIS: May 19, 2008, 8:05:08 AM
Fantastic job as always, love.

--
The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club.

-Fight Club-




My gallery: [link]
*orphicfiddler:iconorphicfiddler: May 19, 2008, 9:31:17 AM
Wow, thank you so much! :hug: I hadn't submitted any prose on DA yet, and I was curious to see how it would be received. I'm so glad you like!
*orphicfiddler:iconorphicfiddler: May 19, 2008, 9:35:17 AM
Thank you so much! :heart: Description was certainly one of my primary focuses in this piece, so much so that I was a little afraid of going metaphor happy... I'm very glad you liked it!
*orphicfiddler:iconorphicfiddler: May 19, 2008, 9:38:35 AM
Thank you! :glomp:

Hehe - T.S. Eliot: "This is the way the world ends / Not with a bang but a whimper." I actually wasn't thinking of that at the time, but your comment reminded me; it seems that no matter what I do, I cannot escape some influence from that Eliot fellow.
=DarcKnyt:iconDarcKnyt: May 19, 2008, 9:45:03 AM
I definitely do! I would LOVE to see more of your work! Brilliant execution, very strong vocabulary and word usage, great images. Beautiful!

--
God bless,
JDT :batman: